Bereavement: Supporting a Grieving Colleague

Bereavement: Supporting a Grieving Colleague

When a colleague experiences the loss of a loved one it can sometimes be difficult to know what to say to them. This pathway provides some tips on navigating conversations with a bereft colleague and supporting them through their grief. 

Don’t be afraid to say something 

Approaching a colleague for the first time after they’ve experienced a loss can be awkward. This feeling of awkwardness can be because you don’t know what to say, or you don’t want to upset the person; however, even if this is the case, it’s so important not to avoid them. The bereft person doesn’t expect you to have all the answers, because, quite often, there aren’t any. But by acknowledging what’s happened makes the person feel supported. 

Don’t worry about getting it wrong. But if you are unsure about what to do or say, a simple acknowledgement like “I’m sorry for your loss” goes a long way. 

You don’t have to ask big questions 

It’s likely that the grieving person won’t want to have an in-depth conversation about how they’re feeling. A simple, “I’m thinking of you”, or “how’s your day going?” Is fine. If you do ask questions, try to make them as specific as possible. Instead of asking, “how are you?”, try asking, “how are you today?” Overall a person can not be feeling great, but today might be better than yesterday. 

One thing to avoid saying is “I know how you feel”. This statement is not likely to be received well by the bereft person. Talking about your own experiences can be helpful though, as can sharing what helped you through your period of grief. 

Find out how they’d prefer you to respond 

People respond to grief in different ways, and will therefore, have different preferences to how they want the people around them to respond to their grief. Some people may not want to talk about their bereavement at all, others may want it to be acknowledged, and then choose whether they want to bring it up again. If in doubt, just ask the person or their line manager how they would like you to respond. 

Little gestures go a long way 

Returning to work after a bereavement can feel like a really big deal. The person may feel isolated from their colleagues after having time off, or may feel like they don’t want to make others feel awkward around them. 

Sending the person a little something whilst they’re off is a great little gesture to let the person know that you are thinking of them. When the person is back in the office, sending them a ‘welcome back’ email or simply making them a cup of tea are small gestures that can go a long way. 

Pick your moments with care

Offering condolences in the workplace can feel a little awkward for both the giver and the receiver. However, as it’s a very personal thing, it’s always best to speak to them one on one, rather than during a meeting or in an open office. 

Ensure you include them 

Make sure that you continue to include the person in any social work gatherings, whether it’s a drink after work or a virtual quiz, ensure that you invite them so that still feel included and involved. They may decline your offer but it will be appreciated nonetheless. 

In Summary: when someone loses a loved one, it is something that not only has an effect on them, but also the people who they work with. Knowing the best way to respond to a bereft colleague is always useful knowledge to have and shows the person that you are thinking of them.